The Princess Bride

Given that this weekend is all about royals and love and blah, blah...I decided to start this blog off with not only one of the best movies of the 80s, but of all time - The Princess Bride.  Based on the book and screenplay written by William Goldman, directed by Rob Reiner and with music by Mark Knopfler (of Dire Straits), this movie is probably one of the most quoted movies of all time (but I'll get in to that a little later).

There is probably not much that can be said about this movie that hasn't already been said.  The Princess Bride is actually a story within a story.  A just-barely-pre-Wonder Years Fred Savage is home sick when his grandfather (Peter Falk) comes over to read him a story as well as narrate the story for us.  The grandson is skeptical that it will just be some mushy love story but gives it a chance.  Thus the story begins...

Local Floren beauty Buttercup (Robin Wright) is constantly ordering around the farm boy, Westley, played by Cary Elwes.  He says nothing to her but "As You Wish."  One day, she discovers that all this time he has actually been telling her he loves her and she realizes she loves him too.  Being too poor to marry, Westley goes off to earn his fortune.  Unfortunately, his ship is attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts who never leaves survivors.  Long story short, Buttercup believes Westley is dead and the greasy and cowardly Prince Humperdinck - played excellently by Chris Sarandon - forces Buttercup to agree to marry him.

Then, on the day of her engagement, the Princess Buttercup is kidnapped by Vizzini (Wallace Shawn) - also known as the "Inconceivable" guy, Fezzik (who is amazingly and endearingly played by Andre the Giant) and one of the best revenge characters of all time, Inigo Montoya (Mandy Patinkin).  Will she get free of the kidnappers and be able to prevent them from killing her on Gilder soil - thereby instigating a war between Floren and Gilder?  At first it seems so.  A mysterious masked man is able to best the sword skills of Inigo Montoya - it is here that we learn of the death of Inigo's father by a six-fingered man, conquer the strength of Fezzik - leaving him with the parting words "I do not envy you the headache you will have when you wake.  Until then, rest well and dream of large women" and even overcome the "intellect" of Vizzini in a hilarious battle of wits.

The "man in black" then leaves the scene with Buttercup.  She forces him to admit he is the Dread Pirate Roberts - murderer of her Westley.  As they argue, he realizes she never stopped loving Westley and she realizes (after pushing him down a very steep hill) that the Dread Pirate Roberts is in fact her very own Westley.

They escape Prince Hunperdinck's tracking squad through the Flame Forest only to meet them on the other side where the Prince promises not to hurt Westley (yeah right) in exchange for their surrender.  Instead, the Prince has Westley thrown into Count Rugen's Pit of Despair.  Ah, Count Rugen - a wonderfully sadistic (and six-fingered) bad guy playesd by Christopher Guest (love him!) who has created a torture machine and is researching its effects on people - in this case, on Westley himself.

Shortly hereafter, the Princess realizes the truth about the Prince and that he is a big, fat lying coward.  What she doesn't know, however, is that the plans to frame Gilder for her death and force a war is his own plan - he's the one who hired Vizzini in the first place!  She calls him out on hiw cowardice, he gets really pissed and runs off and kills Westley.  Yes, Westley dies!  Luckily for us, he is only MOSTLY dead.  Fezzik and Inigo reunite and find Westley.  It is now the day of the wedding between Buttercup and Humperdinck!  Fezzik and Inigo take Westley to miracle-maker Miracle Max for help.  Miracle Max (Billy Crystal), after some prodding by his wife Valerie (Carol Kane - love her too!!), agrees to help.

One of my favorite parts of the entire movie is Westley post-miracle.  He can barely move any of his appendages on his own and plays it spectacularly.  Also, Fezzik's positivity and care in the midst of all they are facing (trying to storm the castle on the wedding day) as well as his assistance in helping keep Westley upright are hilarious!  They make it into the castle using the fear of the Dread Pirate Roberts to clear the guards from the gate.  Inigo Montoya finds the six-fingered man and enters in on probably the best revenge scene in history - or at least the one with the best known dialogue.  As he had planned since he was 11 years old, Inigo finally faces Count Rugen and tells him, "Hello, my name in Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die."  It does not go as planned for Inigo however and Rugen catches him with a dagger to the stomach and a sword stab in each arm.  Will Inigo be able to revenge his father?

And where are Westley and Buttercup in all of this?  In the honeymoon suite.  Westley arrives in time to prevent Buttercup from offing herself.  Enter Humperdinck.  Humperdinck prepares to fight - "to the death."  Westley, completely bluffing because he can barely move, tell Humperdinck they will fight "to the pain" and continues on calling him such choice descriptives as "you miserable, vomitous mass."  I like that one.  But who will win?  Will Westley have the strength for one more battle?

OK, if you don't know the answer to these questions, you are lame.  That being said, the sweetest part, for me, is actually the very end when we go back to the grandfather and grandson.  The grandson, having long overcome his objections to the lovey-dovey book, asks his grandfather to come read it again the next day and the grandfather simply says, "As You Wish."