Ask and you shall receive - here it is folks - The Hitcher. In this 1986 flick by directer Robert Harmon and writer Eric Red, Hauer plays probably his best known character - nut-job, serial killer and all around bad guy hitchhiker John Ryder. C. Thomas Howell plays the good guy in this flick - the young and naive Jim Halsey.
The movie starts out with Jim having been hired to drive a car from Chicago to San Diego. Somewhere in west Texas, Jim starts falling asleep at the wheel. It's raining pretty hard and he sees a hitchhiker on the side of the road. Hoping some company will help keep him awake, he picks the guy up. Bad idea!
The hitcher introduces himself as John Ryder and right away Jim feels something is off with the guy. After passing a stranded car Jim finally has enough and tells John to get out. John refuses and proceeds to tell Jim that he had killed the driver of the stranded car and was going to kill him too! Scary enough in and of itself but Hauer plays it brilliantly. He seems completely ambivalent about the entire situation. Jim manages to push Ryder out of the moving vehicle and drives on.
The next morning, a station wagon with a family in it passes Jim on the highway and Jim sees that Ryder is in the backseat of the wagon. (Suspend disbelief a bit folks.) Jim tries to get the family to pull over but they think Jim's the nut-job and he almosts wrecks. A few miles later, Jim catches up to the wagon that is now stopped on the highway with the family slaughtered inside.
Jim freaks out and keeps driving trying to find a place to call the cops but at every turn, there's Ryder again. Jim finally makes it to a diner where the waitress, Nash, played by Jennifer Jason Leigh, lets him in to make a phone call. She also fixes him a burger and fries - I won't tell you what is in the fries! Anyway, the cops show up and arrest Jim! Turns out that not only has Ryder been following Jim relentlessly, he is also framing him for all of the murders. Jim wakes up in jail to find his cell open and every cop in the place shot dead.
Jim keeps trying to surrender himself but at every turn, Ryder shows up and kills everyone around but Jim. Jim ends up on a bus with Nash, the waitess, and she actually helps him escape the cops in a stolen cop car. More cops are following them and they are about to get killed by the them when John shows up and actually helps them get away from the cops. Why is Ryder trying to keep Jim alive?! And will Jim and Nash ever get away? There is some strange bond that develops between Ryder and Jim over the course of the movie. I really don't want to give anything away on this one for anyone who actually has not seen it and if you have you already know. All I will say is it's gruesome and not all movies end happily ever after.
To sum this one up, Hauer is fantastically creepy and sociopathic but almost seems to want Jim to kill him. During the first 2/3 of the movie, Hauer is not actually on screen much. That being said, his presence is always felt even when we don't see him. Makes you look over your shoulder a lot! Even 25 years later, this movie is definitely worth a watch.
Well, this ends the official Rutger Hauer week although we will see him again in later posts. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Rutger Hauer Week Post #2 - Wanted: Dead or Alive
For my second Rutger Hauer post, I selected another Rutger Hauer as good guy (although he is somewhat questionably "good" sometimes in this one. Wanted: Dead or Alive is a 1986 flick directed by Gary Sherman and starring Rutger Hauer as Nick Randall, a former CIA agent turned bounty hunter. The movie kicks off with Randall capturing a gun-toting redneck (they were very popular in the 80s apparently) cop-killing fugitive and handing him over to his best bud LAPD Det. Danny Quintz (William Russ). As they are filling out the paperwork, we also find out that, for the first time, Randall has finally found a woman he wants to stick with. Played by Mel Harris, Terry is getting her doctorate in Anthropology and is apparently the first non-bimbo Randall has ever dated.
Next up we meet main bad guy Malak al Rahim, a Middle Eastern terrorist played by non-other than Kiss' Gene Simmons. He disguises himself as a rabbi to get into the country and first thing he does is blow up a movie theater full of families watching Rambo. Nick's old CIA buddy Phil Walker (Robert Guillaume - love him!) comes knocking because they decide they need Randall's help to capture Rahim.
Unbeknownst to either Randall or Walker, an old CIA nemesis names Lipton (Jerry Hardin) really just wants to use Randall for bait because Randall and Rahim have a history and Rahim wants Randall dead. Lipton sneaks intel to Rahim that Randall is on the case but Rahim figures it's a trap. Randall almost gets killed and that is when he and Phil find out that the CIA has been playing them both.
In the meantime, we find out that Rahim is planning something big - the explosion of a chemical plant that will send lethal chemical fumes all over LA. While the CIA continues to try to find out what Rahim's plan is, Randall doesn't really care. He just wants to catch him and collect the bounty of $250K (plus a bonus if he's brought in alive).
So, Randall decides to pursue Rahim on his own but first he has to lose the CIA tail. They are still hoping to use him. Randall asks his friend Danny to pretend to be him and go to Nick's boat and take it out for a spin. Danny gets to the boat where Nick's girlfriend Terry is and they start to take the boat out. Unfortunately, Rahim has already found out about Nick's boat and as Danny and Terry start sailing away, the boat explodes killing them both. The CIA and Rahim now think that Randall is dead. Now Randall wants revenge too. Randall gets his friend Phil to sneak him away and get him the address of Rahim's explosives guy.
Nick shows up at the explosive guy, Robert Aziz's house and discovers that he is the one who blew up Randall's boat. Randall torures Rahim's whereabouts out of Aziz and heads off. The CIA hear about a report of shots fired at Aziz's house and are able to get another address - that of Rahim's home base. Randall goes to the address Aziz gave him - they are making oil drums for the chemical plant and planting explosives and terrorists inside them to ship to the chem plant. Randall hijacks a ride on the flatbed carrying the drums and gets to the chemical plant. At the home base, the CIA also finds information leading them to the chemical plant. The question is, will any of them be able to stop Rahim before he succeeds in his plan to blow up the plant and kills tens of thousands of Los Angelans.
I don't want to ruin the entire ending so I will just tell you this - the final scenes of the movie include one of the funniest without meaing to be funny death scenes ever! You'll know what I'm talking about when you see it! Enjoy and next up...The Hitcher...
Next up we meet main bad guy Malak al Rahim, a Middle Eastern terrorist played by non-other than Kiss' Gene Simmons. He disguises himself as a rabbi to get into the country and first thing he does is blow up a movie theater full of families watching Rambo. Nick's old CIA buddy Phil Walker (Robert Guillaume - love him!) comes knocking because they decide they need Randall's help to capture Rahim.
Unbeknownst to either Randall or Walker, an old CIA nemesis names Lipton (Jerry Hardin) really just wants to use Randall for bait because Randall and Rahim have a history and Rahim wants Randall dead. Lipton sneaks intel to Rahim that Randall is on the case but Rahim figures it's a trap. Randall almost gets killed and that is when he and Phil find out that the CIA has been playing them both.
In the meantime, we find out that Rahim is planning something big - the explosion of a chemical plant that will send lethal chemical fumes all over LA. While the CIA continues to try to find out what Rahim's plan is, Randall doesn't really care. He just wants to catch him and collect the bounty of $250K (plus a bonus if he's brought in alive).
So, Randall decides to pursue Rahim on his own but first he has to lose the CIA tail. They are still hoping to use him. Randall asks his friend Danny to pretend to be him and go to Nick's boat and take it out for a spin. Danny gets to the boat where Nick's girlfriend Terry is and they start to take the boat out. Unfortunately, Rahim has already found out about Nick's boat and as Danny and Terry start sailing away, the boat explodes killing them both. The CIA and Rahim now think that Randall is dead. Now Randall wants revenge too. Randall gets his friend Phil to sneak him away and get him the address of Rahim's explosives guy.
Nick shows up at the explosive guy, Robert Aziz's house and discovers that he is the one who blew up Randall's boat. Randall torures Rahim's whereabouts out of Aziz and heads off. The CIA hear about a report of shots fired at Aziz's house and are able to get another address - that of Rahim's home base. Randall goes to the address Aziz gave him - they are making oil drums for the chemical plant and planting explosives and terrorists inside them to ship to the chem plant. Randall hijacks a ride on the flatbed carrying the drums and gets to the chemical plant. At the home base, the CIA also finds information leading them to the chemical plant. The question is, will any of them be able to stop Rahim before he succeeds in his plan to blow up the plant and kills tens of thousands of Los Angelans.
I don't want to ruin the entire ending so I will just tell you this - the final scenes of the movie include one of the funniest without meaing to be funny death scenes ever! You'll know what I'm talking about when you see it! Enjoy and next up...The Hitcher...
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Rutger Hauer Week Post #1 - Blind Fury!!!
In honor of his new film, Hobo with a Shotgun, opening in theaters this Friday, I have officially declared it Rutger Hauer week. For those of you who already know and love him, enjoy. For those of you not as familiar, welcome to a new world! You will be getting 3 great films this week starting with "good guy" Rutger in Blind Fury. You will also be getting "good guy" Rutger in another of my personal favs, Wanted: Dead or Alive. Rounding out the trio will be "bad guy" Rutger in one his more widely known roles in The Hitcher.
This brings back memories of weekends with Dad watching all the great 80s action flicks: Rutger Hauer, Chuck Norris, Charles Bronson, Rambo, etc. Good times!
Anyway, Blind Fury. Blind Fury is a 1989 flick directed by Phillip Noyce and is actually a re-write of a Japanese film about a blind samurai called Zatoichi Challenged. In it, Rutger Hauer plays Nick Parker, a blind Vietnamese vet with kick-butt sword skills. The movie opens in a war zone with Nick wandering wounded and blind through a swampy jungle calling for someone named Frank. We then transition to a small Vietnamese village where the locals have basically adopted the injured Nick and, after nursing him back to health over what is obviously an extended period of time (he looks a bit like a Chris Elliott character by this time), also teach him to use his other senses, most specifically his hearing, to compensate for his lack of sight. On top of that, they teach him some serious sword skills.
Flash forward 20 years to Miami, FL. We see Nick now walking along the Florida highway with his walking stick. One of the tongue-in-cheek moments is when Nick stumbles upon an alligator while walking and tells it "Nice doggie." Next is our first chance to see Nick's skills really in action. He heads into a local bar/restaurant where some bullying local types, after realizing he is blind, decide to mess with him a bit and then transition their "charms" to a lady that walks in by playing "keep-away" with her purse. The purse lands on the floor at Nick's feet and when he refuses to hand it over to the bad guys, he does a great job a playing up his blindness and "stumbling" into a beat down of all 5 guys.
Now we switch over to Reno, NV where a new group of unsavory types are hanging one Frank Devereaux (played by Terry O'Quinn) out of a casino window and threatening his family in Miami (hint, hint) if he refuses to use his skills as a chemist to make designer drugs to pay of his gambling debts.
Back to Miami. Nick arrives at the Miami home of Frank's ex-wife Lynn (Meg Foster) and son Billy (Brandon Call). While Nick is there, aforementioned Reno bad guys show up including Slag (great name for an 80s bad guy!) played by perennial favorite Randall "Tex" Cobb - trust me, you'd recognize him if you saw him! Here we find that Nick's trusty walking stick is actually a cane housing a crazy-sharp samurai sword. Nick proceeds to kill a couple bad guys with it but not before Slag knocks out the kid and shoots and kills Lynn Devereaux. Slag gets away and Lynn's dying words are to make Nick promise to take Billy to his father in Reno.
Bus ride and we find out that Nick is actually blind because Frank. They were best friends from boot camp. Frank was supposed to be covering Nick on a mission in Vietnam but ran off and left him when things got dicey. Nick took some shrapel to the face trying to get away on his own.
Next stop Kansas. They get all the way to Kansas before Nick finally breaks it to Billy that his mother is dead. Billy is predictably upset and takes off into a cornfield across the street. Nick goes to try to get him back. (Enter Slag and a truck full of gun-toting redneck bad guys.) Why no one at the gas station bats an eye at said truck full of gun-toting redneck bad guys I have no idea but that is beside the point. Nick savagely dispatches most of the gun-toting redneck bad guys and rescues Billy from Slag and they head onward. Unfortunately, Slag is still not dead!
This is a turning point in the relationship between Billy and Nick. They are both a bit snarky and sarcastic which provides some comic relief throughout the film. At this point however, Billy finally accepts that Nick is the only "family" he's got for the time being and the only way he'll ever make to his Dad.
They make it to Reno where Frank has started making the drugs although they don't know any of this yet. Nick and Billy show up at Frank's place only to be ambushed by a NEW set of gun-toting redneck bad guys and these two are funny. The Pike brothers are played almost slapstick-style by Nick Cassavetes and Rick Overton and just crack me up. They capture Nick and Billy with the unwilling help of Frank's girlfriend Annie (Lisa Blount). Nick, Billy and Annie get away and Nick goes to rescue Frank. Nick heads to boss bad guys MacCready's (Noble Willingham) casino and creates a diversion to get up to the penthouse to find out where Frank is being help (he exposes the casino's cheating to the gambling masses!). So Nick and Frank get out of the casino only to find that Annie and Billy where kidnapped again by Slag and MacCready!
Frank agrees to bring the drugs he has made to MacCready at Winter Haven ski park. Nick and Frank head up the ski lift, Frank armed with Molotov cocktails in his pockets, Nick with his trusty cane. They make it into the building safely but get corned once again in a narrow hallway. Next thing you know, Frank runs for it leaving Nick behind!!! Has Frank abandoned Nick yet again? Will Nick, Billy, Frank and Annie get away? Well, Nick is going to have to fight his way through one of the most diverse gangs of bad guys ever to make it happen. He's got to fight through a couple big Samoan dudes, another couple of probably even bigger black guys, a Japanese samurai AND all of the gun-toting rednecks!
In summary, this is just a really fun flick. Yes, it's an action flick and there are a lot of shooting and slicing and body parts flying, but there are some really fun comedic moments throughout from both the good and the bad guys. Again, the Pike Brothers just crack me up (Nick Cassavetes reminds me of Joe Bob Briggs in this movie). Rutger Hauer's acting is so underrated. Everyone knows he plays a great villain but he is also really funny! I mean, his Buffy the Vampire Slayer role is a classic!
Anyway, check it out!
This brings back memories of weekends with Dad watching all the great 80s action flicks: Rutger Hauer, Chuck Norris, Charles Bronson, Rambo, etc. Good times!
Anyway, Blind Fury. Blind Fury is a 1989 flick directed by Phillip Noyce and is actually a re-write of a Japanese film about a blind samurai called Zatoichi Challenged. In it, Rutger Hauer plays Nick Parker, a blind Vietnamese vet with kick-butt sword skills. The movie opens in a war zone with Nick wandering wounded and blind through a swampy jungle calling for someone named Frank. We then transition to a small Vietnamese village where the locals have basically adopted the injured Nick and, after nursing him back to health over what is obviously an extended period of time (he looks a bit like a Chris Elliott character by this time), also teach him to use his other senses, most specifically his hearing, to compensate for his lack of sight. On top of that, they teach him some serious sword skills.
Flash forward 20 years to Miami, FL. We see Nick now walking along the Florida highway with his walking stick. One of the tongue-in-cheek moments is when Nick stumbles upon an alligator while walking and tells it "Nice doggie." Next is our first chance to see Nick's skills really in action. He heads into a local bar/restaurant where some bullying local types, after realizing he is blind, decide to mess with him a bit and then transition their "charms" to a lady that walks in by playing "keep-away" with her purse. The purse lands on the floor at Nick's feet and when he refuses to hand it over to the bad guys, he does a great job a playing up his blindness and "stumbling" into a beat down of all 5 guys.
Now we switch over to Reno, NV where a new group of unsavory types are hanging one Frank Devereaux (played by Terry O'Quinn) out of a casino window and threatening his family in Miami (hint, hint) if he refuses to use his skills as a chemist to make designer drugs to pay of his gambling debts.
Back to Miami. Nick arrives at the Miami home of Frank's ex-wife Lynn (Meg Foster) and son Billy (Brandon Call). While Nick is there, aforementioned Reno bad guys show up including Slag (great name for an 80s bad guy!) played by perennial favorite Randall "Tex" Cobb - trust me, you'd recognize him if you saw him! Here we find that Nick's trusty walking stick is actually a cane housing a crazy-sharp samurai sword. Nick proceeds to kill a couple bad guys with it but not before Slag knocks out the kid and shoots and kills Lynn Devereaux. Slag gets away and Lynn's dying words are to make Nick promise to take Billy to his father in Reno.
Bus ride and we find out that Nick is actually blind because Frank. They were best friends from boot camp. Frank was supposed to be covering Nick on a mission in Vietnam but ran off and left him when things got dicey. Nick took some shrapel to the face trying to get away on his own.
Next stop Kansas. They get all the way to Kansas before Nick finally breaks it to Billy that his mother is dead. Billy is predictably upset and takes off into a cornfield across the street. Nick goes to try to get him back. (Enter Slag and a truck full of gun-toting redneck bad guys.) Why no one at the gas station bats an eye at said truck full of gun-toting redneck bad guys I have no idea but that is beside the point. Nick savagely dispatches most of the gun-toting redneck bad guys and rescues Billy from Slag and they head onward. Unfortunately, Slag is still not dead!
This is a turning point in the relationship between Billy and Nick. They are both a bit snarky and sarcastic which provides some comic relief throughout the film. At this point however, Billy finally accepts that Nick is the only "family" he's got for the time being and the only way he'll ever make to his Dad.
They make it to Reno where Frank has started making the drugs although they don't know any of this yet. Nick and Billy show up at Frank's place only to be ambushed by a NEW set of gun-toting redneck bad guys and these two are funny. The Pike brothers are played almost slapstick-style by Nick Cassavetes and Rick Overton and just crack me up. They capture Nick and Billy with the unwilling help of Frank's girlfriend Annie (Lisa Blount). Nick, Billy and Annie get away and Nick goes to rescue Frank. Nick heads to boss bad guys MacCready's (Noble Willingham) casino and creates a diversion to get up to the penthouse to find out where Frank is being help (he exposes the casino's cheating to the gambling masses!). So Nick and Frank get out of the casino only to find that Annie and Billy where kidnapped again by Slag and MacCready!
Frank agrees to bring the drugs he has made to MacCready at Winter Haven ski park. Nick and Frank head up the ski lift, Frank armed with Molotov cocktails in his pockets, Nick with his trusty cane. They make it into the building safely but get corned once again in a narrow hallway. Next thing you know, Frank runs for it leaving Nick behind!!! Has Frank abandoned Nick yet again? Will Nick, Billy, Frank and Annie get away? Well, Nick is going to have to fight his way through one of the most diverse gangs of bad guys ever to make it happen. He's got to fight through a couple big Samoan dudes, another couple of probably even bigger black guys, a Japanese samurai AND all of the gun-toting rednecks!
In summary, this is just a really fun flick. Yes, it's an action flick and there are a lot of shooting and slicing and body parts flying, but there are some really fun comedic moments throughout from both the good and the bad guys. Again, the Pike Brothers just crack me up (Nick Cassavetes reminds me of Joe Bob Briggs in this movie). Rutger Hauer's acting is so underrated. Everyone knows he plays a great villain but he is also really funny! I mean, his Buffy the Vampire Slayer role is a classic!
Anyway, check it out!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
The Princess Bride
Given that this weekend is all about royals and love and blah, blah...I decided to start this blog off with not only one of the best movies of the 80s, but of all time - The Princess Bride. Based on the book and screenplay written by William Goldman, directed by Rob Reiner and with music by Mark Knopfler (of Dire Straits), this movie is probably one of the most quoted movies of all time (but I'll get in to that a little later).
There is probably not much that can be said about this movie that hasn't already been said. The Princess Bride is actually a story within a story. A just-barely-pre-Wonder Years Fred Savage is home sick when his grandfather (Peter Falk) comes over to read him a story as well as narrate the story for us. The grandson is skeptical that it will just be some mushy love story but gives it a chance. Thus the story begins...
Local Floren beauty Buttercup (Robin Wright) is constantly ordering around the farm boy, Westley, played by Cary Elwes. He says nothing to her but "As You Wish." One day, she discovers that all this time he has actually been telling her he loves her and she realizes she loves him too. Being too poor to marry, Westley goes off to earn his fortune. Unfortunately, his ship is attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts who never leaves survivors. Long story short, Buttercup believes Westley is dead and the greasy and cowardly Prince Humperdinck - played excellently by Chris Sarandon - forces Buttercup to agree to marry him.
Then, on the day of her engagement, the Princess Buttercup is kidnapped by Vizzini (Wallace Shawn) - also known as the "Inconceivable" guy, Fezzik (who is amazingly and endearingly played by Andre the Giant) and one of the best revenge characters of all time, Inigo Montoya (Mandy Patinkin). Will she get free of the kidnappers and be able to prevent them from killing her on Gilder soil - thereby instigating a war between Floren and Gilder? At first it seems so. A mysterious masked man is able to best the sword skills of Inigo Montoya - it is here that we learn of the death of Inigo's father by a six-fingered man, conquer the strength of Fezzik - leaving him with the parting words "I do not envy you the headache you will have when you wake. Until then, rest well and dream of large women" and even overcome the "intellect" of Vizzini in a hilarious battle of wits.
The "man in black" then leaves the scene with Buttercup. She forces him to admit he is the Dread Pirate Roberts - murderer of her Westley. As they argue, he realizes she never stopped loving Westley and she realizes (after pushing him down a very steep hill) that the Dread Pirate Roberts is in fact her very own Westley.
They escape Prince Hunperdinck's tracking squad through the Flame Forest only to meet them on the other side where the Prince promises not to hurt Westley (yeah right) in exchange for their surrender. Instead, the Prince has Westley thrown into Count Rugen's Pit of Despair. Ah, Count Rugen - a wonderfully sadistic (and six-fingered) bad guy playesd by Christopher Guest (love him!) who has created a torture machine and is researching its effects on people - in this case, on Westley himself.
Shortly hereafter, the Princess realizes the truth about the Prince and that he is a big, fat lying coward. What she doesn't know, however, is that the plans to frame Gilder for her death and force a war is his own plan - he's the one who hired Vizzini in the first place! She calls him out on hiw cowardice, he gets really pissed and runs off and kills Westley. Yes, Westley dies! Luckily for us, he is only MOSTLY dead. Fezzik and Inigo reunite and find Westley. It is now the day of the wedding between Buttercup and Humperdinck! Fezzik and Inigo take Westley to miracle-maker Miracle Max for help. Miracle Max (Billy Crystal), after some prodding by his wife Valerie (Carol Kane - love her too!!), agrees to help.
One of my favorite parts of the entire movie is Westley post-miracle. He can barely move any of his appendages on his own and plays it spectacularly. Also, Fezzik's positivity and care in the midst of all they are facing (trying to storm the castle on the wedding day) as well as his assistance in helping keep Westley upright are hilarious! They make it into the castle using the fear of the Dread Pirate Roberts to clear the guards from the gate. Inigo Montoya finds the six-fingered man and enters in on probably the best revenge scene in history - or at least the one with the best known dialogue. As he had planned since he was 11 years old, Inigo finally faces Count Rugen and tells him, "Hello, my name in Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die." It does not go as planned for Inigo however and Rugen catches him with a dagger to the stomach and a sword stab in each arm. Will Inigo be able to revenge his father?
And where are Westley and Buttercup in all of this? In the honeymoon suite. Westley arrives in time to prevent Buttercup from offing herself. Enter Humperdinck. Humperdinck prepares to fight - "to the death." Westley, completely bluffing because he can barely move, tell Humperdinck they will fight "to the pain" and continues on calling him such choice descriptives as "you miserable, vomitous mass." I like that one. But who will win? Will Westley have the strength for one more battle?
OK, if you don't know the answer to these questions, you are lame. That being said, the sweetest part, for me, is actually the very end when we go back to the grandfather and grandson. The grandson, having long overcome his objections to the lovey-dovey book, asks his grandfather to come read it again the next day and the grandfather simply says, "As You Wish."
There is probably not much that can be said about this movie that hasn't already been said. The Princess Bride is actually a story within a story. A just-barely-pre-Wonder Years Fred Savage is home sick when his grandfather (Peter Falk) comes over to read him a story as well as narrate the story for us. The grandson is skeptical that it will just be some mushy love story but gives it a chance. Thus the story begins...
Local Floren beauty Buttercup (Robin Wright) is constantly ordering around the farm boy, Westley, played by Cary Elwes. He says nothing to her but "As You Wish." One day, she discovers that all this time he has actually been telling her he loves her and she realizes she loves him too. Being too poor to marry, Westley goes off to earn his fortune. Unfortunately, his ship is attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts who never leaves survivors. Long story short, Buttercup believes Westley is dead and the greasy and cowardly Prince Humperdinck - played excellently by Chris Sarandon - forces Buttercup to agree to marry him.
Then, on the day of her engagement, the Princess Buttercup is kidnapped by Vizzini (Wallace Shawn) - also known as the "Inconceivable" guy, Fezzik (who is amazingly and endearingly played by Andre the Giant) and one of the best revenge characters of all time, Inigo Montoya (Mandy Patinkin). Will she get free of the kidnappers and be able to prevent them from killing her on Gilder soil - thereby instigating a war between Floren and Gilder? At first it seems so. A mysterious masked man is able to best the sword skills of Inigo Montoya - it is here that we learn of the death of Inigo's father by a six-fingered man, conquer the strength of Fezzik - leaving him with the parting words "I do not envy you the headache you will have when you wake. Until then, rest well and dream of large women" and even overcome the "intellect" of Vizzini in a hilarious battle of wits.
The "man in black" then leaves the scene with Buttercup. She forces him to admit he is the Dread Pirate Roberts - murderer of her Westley. As they argue, he realizes she never stopped loving Westley and she realizes (after pushing him down a very steep hill) that the Dread Pirate Roberts is in fact her very own Westley.
They escape Prince Hunperdinck's tracking squad through the Flame Forest only to meet them on the other side where the Prince promises not to hurt Westley (yeah right) in exchange for their surrender. Instead, the Prince has Westley thrown into Count Rugen's Pit of Despair. Ah, Count Rugen - a wonderfully sadistic (and six-fingered) bad guy playesd by Christopher Guest (love him!) who has created a torture machine and is researching its effects on people - in this case, on Westley himself.
Shortly hereafter, the Princess realizes the truth about the Prince and that he is a big, fat lying coward. What she doesn't know, however, is that the plans to frame Gilder for her death and force a war is his own plan - he's the one who hired Vizzini in the first place! She calls him out on hiw cowardice, he gets really pissed and runs off and kills Westley. Yes, Westley dies! Luckily for us, he is only MOSTLY dead. Fezzik and Inigo reunite and find Westley. It is now the day of the wedding between Buttercup and Humperdinck! Fezzik and Inigo take Westley to miracle-maker Miracle Max for help. Miracle Max (Billy Crystal), after some prodding by his wife Valerie (Carol Kane - love her too!!), agrees to help.
One of my favorite parts of the entire movie is Westley post-miracle. He can barely move any of his appendages on his own and plays it spectacularly. Also, Fezzik's positivity and care in the midst of all they are facing (trying to storm the castle on the wedding day) as well as his assistance in helping keep Westley upright are hilarious! They make it into the castle using the fear of the Dread Pirate Roberts to clear the guards from the gate. Inigo Montoya finds the six-fingered man and enters in on probably the best revenge scene in history - or at least the one with the best known dialogue. As he had planned since he was 11 years old, Inigo finally faces Count Rugen and tells him, "Hello, my name in Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die." It does not go as planned for Inigo however and Rugen catches him with a dagger to the stomach and a sword stab in each arm. Will Inigo be able to revenge his father?
And where are Westley and Buttercup in all of this? In the honeymoon suite. Westley arrives in time to prevent Buttercup from offing herself. Enter Humperdinck. Humperdinck prepares to fight - "to the death." Westley, completely bluffing because he can barely move, tell Humperdinck they will fight "to the pain" and continues on calling him such choice descriptives as "you miserable, vomitous mass." I like that one. But who will win? Will Westley have the strength for one more battle?
OK, if you don't know the answer to these questions, you are lame. That being said, the sweetest part, for me, is actually the very end when we go back to the grandfather and grandson. The grandson, having long overcome his objections to the lovey-dovey book, asks his grandfather to come read it again the next day and the grandfather simply says, "As You Wish."
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